The Tinfoil Hat Awards

After correcting someone on a mailing list, I received this little loveā€“note in the mail. Presented without comment.

From: [address elided]
Date: 5:01am December 19, 2006
To: Robert J. Hansen <>
cc: [address elided],

On Mon, 2006-12-18 at 21:43 -0600, Robert J. Hansen wrote:


If you are an FBI agent - GO TO HELL!

If you are legitimate, wait three days for me to cool down you asshole. I have sat here and tolerated the pandering to Windows people the Gnu people have been telling Microsoft people are stupid long enough. Personally, these statements by you are TOTALLY out of character to ***EVERYTHING*** I have heard from Werner Koch and others say for years. I have assumed all during this time that Werner and the others are much more intelligent than me (true). I have also assumed that they are so busy that they haven't had time to do much of anything else (that I don't know the truth of). I don't give a damn how many people have signed your god-damn keys. THAT IS WHY I SAY, IF YOU ARE A GOD-DAMN FBI AGENT YOU GO TO HELL!!! I WILL KILL YOU, YOU SON OF SATAN!!! This message is signed and encrypted. Take it for what it is worth. If the filthy United States would allow me to adopt my nom-de-guerre as legitimate legal alias I would do so and MAYBE (*JUST* *MAYBE*) the signing of this message would have more meaning to you. I doubt it though.

Now if that inflames you I ask you to do the same thing I am about to do. Sit on it for at least three days or so you God-Damn ASSHOLE!

Regarding Windows users some of them are almost idiots, but most of them aren't. YOUR KNOWLEDGE OF MICROSOFT WINDOWS IS PATHETIC! I have worked with enough Windows users for long enough to know they are TOTALLY unlike you. Furthermore, I have sat on top of Trojan horses for over a year after reporting them to the AV companies. What they do (the Anti-Virus vendors) and what I do are two different things. I have also worked on the Hobbit chip. Where the hell do you think I got my nom-de-guerre from you damn idiot! If you weren't so damn stupid you would know what it is. I don't give a rats-ass damn how many people have signed your god-damn key. I just lsigned it and even if you presented your credentials, I would still lsign it. In fact, most people aren't like you, except for some really unsavory characters in the United States. That is why I am calling you out. I suspect you are not only an asshole but an FBI agent. They act EXACTLY THE SAME DAMN WAY! I have a calm helpful side, but either you are going to have to stand behind your comments and defend them to Richard Stallman and the others or else... If you were one of the god-damn Psychiatrists using those Satanic phrases, I wouldn't care WHAT Richard Stallman would way. I would come after you with an axe you ass-hole! I KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT - DO YOU!? I don't think so.

In any case your arguments are at best specious, I am not going to dignify them with a comment except for the following. Until right now I have had a high regard for Richard Stallman. If he stands behind your statements, I am a spammer. I didn't say I can't be wrong. I am not God and I don't know everything. Do you? But if he stands behind your statements I have *MUCH* better things to do with my life. I drove through your country when you were probably a damn little brat (if you are really who you say you are) over ten years ago. I have changed a lot since then. I will still help people that don't know where they are going (and their level of knowledge is TOTALLY irrelevant to me) but if I ever see your personally you asshole I will slap you in the face! You think you are talking to some god-damn kid? I am old enough to be your great grandfather. And I am not some god-damn stupid idiot! Learn to treat people with some respect and hold your tongue unless you know who they are

Now, what I am proposing to find is SOMETHING (*ANYTHING*) that will help lead the people that are using Microsoft Windows to the promised land. That is *NOT* just Macintosh OS-X. That is NOT just Linux (some of my best friends use either FreeBSD or OpenBSD and I would LOVE to create a transparent firewall using OpenBSD). It is a better way of doing things that is an ongoing process. It never ends. I will take people where they are at up to point. That point broke with you. It is the first time it has broke in over ten years you little god-damn brat!

If you want to help people get off your god-damn fat stinking ass and install the cross compiler to help port Claws mail (it used to be called Sylpheed-Claws) to Microsoft Windows. If you are either too lazy, or too stupid to do that - SHUT THE HELL UP! This piece (a legitimate Mail tool to wean users away from MS Windows) has been woefully missing for years. People on Windows need ANYTHING that can replace Outlook. Windows people don't need something they have to compile. GIVE THEM A BINARY! If it would also import their entire Outlook data-base (no matter how many times the web site needs to be moved to foil Microsoft) many people would dump Microsoft in a minute. Microsoft is NOT my enemy though. Neither is the FBI. If you are so intelligent - you figure it out.

I told you I am trying to lead people to the promised land. That is NOT Linux. That is just one step along the way. I have listened to Werner and the others long enough to recognize you as a god-damn pretender. WHO THE HELL HAVE YOU HELPED TODAY!?

Right now I am pissed, and I hope I have made you pissed. Please tell me whether or not you are really in Iowa and if you are going to the Computer Science Department at the University of Iowa. Even if you tell me that, right now I am assuming you are a pretender that works for the FBI. THOSE ASSHOLES HAVEN'T HELPED ANYBODY SINCE THEIR GOD-DAMN ORGANIZATION WAS CREATED! *PLEASE* *REPORT* *ME* *TO* *THEM*! I don't know how I can more plainly state the facts. If I find out you work for them at ***ANY*** time I will drop you like a hot potato. I am not a black hat. I am white hat that has been pissed on by the United States long enough. I want the hell out of this country to help Werner (much better than me in every way) and others (probably all better than me in every way) help others in what ever tiny little way I can. That is what I am trying to do right now. I hope it is what you were trying to do but because of youth or inexperience or both you went about it the wrong way.

DO YOU AND THE FSF PEOPLE WANT TO HELP LEAD PEOPLE TO SOMETHING BETTER OR NOT!? Now, I have some things for you to work on if you are indeed really as good as you say you are. I don't want to hear any shit about Pete Peterson being bad. I worked there. Bruce Bastian was gay, Alan Ashton didn't see that Microsoft was going to squash them, and Pete Peterson was the only one that had his head screwed on tight. GO GOOGLE THAT! You will come up with CRAP! I WAS THERE! I know what happened. Is your head screwed on tight? I am about to go home. I don't have time for pretenders! Either you stand up and help or get the hell out of the way! If you have something for the news group that helps, then by all means contribute. But before you do that I strongly suggest you sit down and work with Microsoft Windows for at least three months. I learn an awful lot from the other people. So far I have yet to learn ANYTHING from you!

***REALLY*** ***PISSED*** ***RIGHT*** ***NOW***!

[name elided]

PS I would advise you STRONGLY to think about this for at least three days. I will do the same thing. I trust Werner. After all, one of the few Jews that escaped Auschwitz, Dr. Kopplowitz - Durango Colorado - he not only saved my eyesight (GO GOOGLE THAT - YOU AIN'T GOING TO GET ANYTHING BUT WHAT HE AND HIS WIFE DID IS WRITTEN IN HEAVEN) - after he heard what a nun did in the hospital - she supposedly made me Catholic - phiddle, we all belong to the one and only God and he is so much different than you or me that despite the fact that he does NOT like me I hold my tongue (those phrases toward you were to get you to turn around). Anyway, he and his wife put me up in their house to recuperate after my operation. Werner also wrote and said that after what I wrote that he kept the voting for the logo open until about "8 UTC on Saturday". I bow to the wishes of the majority. That doesn't change everything. I still prefer the phrase "Fortitudo et Libertas" added to that logo they selected. I was amazed that as a son of a wet-back (we are talking early 20th century) that even though my grandfather was killed by one of Pancho Villa's men, I would want that. I would also love to move to Andorra where I can learn Catalan, Espanol, and Francais much better. Sorry Werner - I can't learn Deutsch. I can understand the Romance languages better. I have literally died and the only languages I came back understanding were the Romance languages (reading only). I would like to speak them.

[initials elided]

PPS Either we treat the Palestinian Arabs fairly or we are NOT going to get anywhere. Remember - our God is the same god. What does this have to do with encryption? How we treat other thing *IS* important. Right now I am slapping you - but only because I think almost everything you are saying (except what I wrote needs to be distilled - and I bow to Windows people even more knowledgeable than me to help) is wrong. I will go into detail on that in three three days but I strongly suspect you will be long gone. *I* *HOPE* *I* *AM* *WRONG*! God how I hope I am wrong.

PPS I assume this is you, and I don't care if it is:

4439 Berkeley Lane, Iowa City, Iowa 52245
319.339.4261 -

That would mean you are a professor, and I still don't care. In that case, please do report me to the FBI. You will get a thanks and no feedback.

PPPS I suggest a conference call (expect me to look at it from a top down view-point) after I write the things I think need to be written in three days. If nobody wants to hear it by then C'est-la-Vie! I have much better things to do with my life. I HAVE NO TIME TO WASTE. Furthermore, both you and Werner are so much smarter and more important than me it doesn't matter. You take it from here.

Email me.